i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
