there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
