Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
