We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
