oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's like heaven, but drunker
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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