Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
