that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
