I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
