so that wasnt chicken after all
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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