He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
zippers are such a cool invention
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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