Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
