no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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