god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
