you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
