porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she looked like the before picture.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
