He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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