Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
