am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
