So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
