Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i came on her dog
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
