She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
