I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
