The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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