He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
this hospital has no fireball
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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