careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
