Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
