i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
