I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my phone needs a breathalizer
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
