I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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