Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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