Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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