..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
