i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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