just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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