i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
