I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
