I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
50% drunk capacity currently
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
