her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
