I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
