During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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