i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
