Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
