you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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