I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
