I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
