I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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