Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
