Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
