do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
