I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
