can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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