I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
